Ugh
by SUGARCOMACUPCAKE
Summary: Kyoya gives the third year trio a certain task. They're determined not to fail, considering failing means an early grave. When everyone starts talking about how Hikaru's the most likely to screw it up, he flies into a rage. He not only says he won't mess it up, he says he'll pull the entire thing together. When he gets to know this "task", however, he wishes he'd just shut up.
1. Chapter 1

"Men! I have urgent news!"

Tamaki runs into the room like a hooligan, shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Tono, I don't think you getting your nails done counts as urgent news."

I scoff as Tamaki's cheerfulness instantaneously morphs to anger.

"I don't get my nails done, you devilish twin! This is serious! Why did I even tell you? Of course you'd turn against your own father!"

"This father business again? Tono, it's so ungentlemanly and inappropriate. No wonder Haruhi thinks you're obnoxious."

Kaoru sighs and shakes his head disappointedly. Haruhi pops her head out of her book at the mention of her name. Tamaki grabs her by the shoulders and is wailing in her face before she has time to think.

"Haruhi, you don't think your daddy is obnoxious, right? That was only because you just met me! Now you know how nice, gentlemanly and appropriate your father is because you've gotten to know me!"

She blinks a few times, unshaken. It's a bit worrying that she's not affected by this.

"Say what?"

Tamaki retreats to his emo corner, Kaoru and I snickering with glee.

"All jokes aside, we do have important information. Tomorrow a new student from America is joining Ouran Academy."

"Didn't we go to America once, Takashi?"

Honey wonders from the other side of the room. Shivers run down our backs as we remember the legend.

"Yeah."

Mori states. They have been to America! That's even more proof!

"Her name is Jordan Ember and we need to make a good impression on her. Her family owns a business in America that the Ootori group would like to associate with."

Tamaki emerges from his corner, once again an energetic ball of joy.

"Don't forget we'll have a new princess! America has always fascinated me as well."

Hopefully he won't turn into as much of a dimwit as when he came to Japan. Kyoya told stories.

"What class will she be transferring into?"

"Class 1-A."

Kyoya turns his eyes to Kaoru, Haruhi and I.

"Make sure she's as happy as possible, no matter what. Also be sure that she visits the host club."

"Yes, sir!"

Kaoru and I holler while saluting. Haruhi just looks up from her book and nods.

"One more thing."

Kyoya's smile turns evil and his glasses glare. The first year trio gulps.

"If you mess this up, I will be very upset. This company means a lot to my father, and you wouldn't want to make an Ootori angry."

"W-was that a threat?"

Haruhi asks to nobody in particular, her voice shaking. Kyoya exits the room with a slightly smug look on his face. As the door closes, I hear everyone exhale, including myself.

"Wow, m-mommy can be scary."

Tamaki stutters. Has he completely forgotten what Kaoru and I were egging him on about earlier? Or is he just too stupid to realize that if daddy's obnoxious mommy is too?

"You've got that right. Did the room just get warmer?"

My twin and I say in unison.

"Well there's only one thing we can do if we don't want to die early."

"We'll have to make this Jordan chick happy."

"How are we supposed to do that?"

The first years assess the situation, hearts beating a bit too fast.

"Shouldn't it be easy? You three are a part of the elite Ouran host club! Your job is to make every girl happy!"

Tamaki announces with sparkling eyes.

"If all fails, I'll let her hold Usa-chan!"

"If those two mess up, it'll probably be too big of a mess for Usa-chan to fix."

Honey vaguely frowns at Haruhi's true statement, but nods his head in agreement.

"We won't mess this up!"

I yell defensively.

"You're right, Hikaru. If anybody messes this up it's going to be you, not us."

I'm bewildered at Kaoru's sudden brusqueness. In fact, I'm a bit agitated.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Everyone looks at me like I'm stupid.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Hika-chan, you kind of have a habit of letting your emotions get the best of you."

"You leave a girl in the rain one time!"

Honey squeezes Usa-chan and shrugs.

"That's not the only example…"

Kaoru and Haruhi mumble under their breath.

"Whatever! I'm not going to screw this up! I'll show you!"

I grumble and storm out of the room. As expected, Kaoru's not too far behind.

"Hikaru, I didn't mean-"

"You started this! You couldn't just keep your mouth shut!"

"You're one to talk…"

"See! Just like that!"

"Hikaru, it's happening right now."

I'm ready to yell a smart retort, when I feel a finger against my lips. Kaoru raises his eyebrow and realization hits me.

"Dang it!"

"Thanks for spitting on my finger."

Kaoru wipes his finger on my jacket and I roll my eyes.

"You're so prissy. We have like, the exact same DNA or germs or whatever."

"You're such a hypocrite. I think 'neat' is the word you're looking for. One of us has to be. Otherwise our maids would like, die. Also, you should really pay better attention in science."

"I don't think I've ever wanted to smack you this much, Kaoru."

"Well then we could tell the fangirls you've been hitting on me."

I raise my hand semi-threateningly. Kaoru's obviously holding back a giggle.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Maybe I wouldn't dare to slap you, but…"

I grab my brother's arm, yank him over, and noogie the absolute crap out of him. By this point we're both laughing hysterically. Kaoru's trying to push me away, but I'm not going to let that happen. I finally let him go and he shoves me playfully.

"You're an idiot."

I gasp.

"You called me a synonym for Tono! I'm so offended!"

"Serves you right."

I still wonder how Kaoru's able to make me so happy, even after a meltdown. We reach our car that's waiting for us and I can guarantee that our driver obtained a massive headache.

_(Insert page break here)_

Kaoru, Haruhi and I are turning our heads rapidly, hoping to see the new student when she walks in. We wouldn't want her to feel ignored. If you think any of us have forgotten what Kyoya said, you're dead wrong.

"I wonder what she'll be like."

"More importantly, what will she look like? We don't want to miss her."

"She's American. She should stick out like a sore thumb."

We hear the door open and our heads rotate almost instinctively. It's her. She doesn't really look American; at least I don't think she does. She has black hair pulled back into a braid with freckles dusted across her pale face. Well, we'd better follow Kyoya's orders.

"Welcome!"

The three of us say at the exact same time. It may have just been a habit we've developed from the host club. She looks at us oddly, and then replies.

"Thanks, I guess."

She sits next to us, so things must be going well. We introduce ourselves and tell her our names. Her Japanese is a bit shaky, but definitely understandable. After a while of overly-happy conversation, we learn that her family has one of the largest fresh produce companies in the world. Why Kyoya's father is so interested, we don't know. Haruhi asks the question at last.

"Hikaru, Kaoru and I are in a host club. We'd love it if you'd visit sometime!"

Haruhi flashes her signature smile of adorableness. Kaoru and I have to fight our tendency to squeeze her. Jordan, however, just scowls.

"What's a host club?"

Oh yeah. That information would probably be useful to her.

"It's a place for entertaining pretty young ladies, such as yourself."

I say huskily, also smiling. A trivial blush creeps onto her face. I've succeeded.

"It sounds stupid."

What? No, no, no we can't mess this up! I glance around me and am met with Haruhi and Kaoru's looks of panic. I already know what we're all thinking of. Kyoya's face yesterday… no! We won't fail! We can't fail! I said I'd make this work, and I will.

"That's a bit harsh."

I say nervously, my legs shaking. Her expression doesn't change. Crap…

"I don't care. It really does sound stupid."

She rolls her eyes and turns away. She's losing interest and losing it fast. I look to the others for help, but Haruhi's writing on a piece of paper labeled "My Will". In that moment of desperation, I see a light bulb illuminate in Kaoru's head.

"Ah!"

Kaoru cries out in pain. He grabs his hand, eyes shut and biting his lip. Jordan's suddenly paying attention.

"Kaoru!"

My eyes widen and I hurriedly but gently grab his hand. I'm surprised. He has a legitimate paper cut on his finger. How do you purposely get a paper cut? Never mind that, I have work to do. I kiss his finger. Kaoru and Jordan's faces both turn red.

"Kaoru, you need to be more careful. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Kaoru blushes and looks at, then away from me. Jordan's hand slowly makes its way over her mouth. Haruhi isn't annoyed by our act for once.

"I-I'm sorry Hikaru… I just get so distracted when I look at you…"

I smirk and pull Kaoru closer to me.

"Then why don't you come closer and let me guide your hands instead?"

Kaoru lets out a small gasp. Is that blood I see dripping from Jordan's nose?

"H-Hikaru… do you forgive me?"

"Of course I do, though…"

I whisper in Kaoru's ear just loud enough for Jordan to hear.

"Some punishment may be in order."

Kaoru blushes even darker. Jordan's eyes are the size of saucers.

"B-but…"

"No buts. Now let's get you to the nurse."

I pick Kaoru up bridal style and carry him out of the room. Even I can admit that was a bit much, but we needed this to work if we didn't want to meet our early graves. I feel Kaoru relax in my arms. Some of the other fangirls in our class look very similar to Jordan. We did it. I give Kaoru a silent high five. As the door closes, we hear Haruhi put the cherry on top.

"If you want more of that, feel free to visit our club."

**A/N: Well, I'm going to say that I normally don't write this kind of thing. Curse my friend's ability to bribe me with poptarts… Anyway, feel free to tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Dude, we did it!"

I raise my hand to give Kaoru another high five, but I'm surprised to see my brother smirk instead.

"We? I got us out of that mess."

"What?"

"It was obviously my idea to use the brotherly love strategy."

My eyes widen and my jaw drops.

"It wouldn't have worked if I wasn't there!"

"We wouldn't have even had to use the strategy if you weren't there."

"My hosting abilities are top-notch, I'll have you know!"

Kaoru sighs.

"You're sounding more like Tono every day. That was your exact problem back there. You were trying to be the princely type instead of the mischievous type."

"What if she found our 'brotherly love' super weird and disgusting? She's American after all!"

"I risked the same thing because of your screw up. I never said we had to do our act, I just said you should've stuck with being mischievous. I'm pretty sure American girls have a thing for bad boys."

"You're sounding more like Renge every day…"

I mumble under my breath. Kaoru raises an eyebrow. He doesn't say anything, so I'm probably right.

"We shouldn't just head back to class. We'd be back too soon. Maybe the nurse can hook us up with some bandaging."

Why does Kaoru get to be the smart one? I was just about to suggest we go back…

"Yeah, just what I was thinking!"

"Bullcrap."

Why do I feel a sense of déjà vu?

"Whatever…"

I somewhat pout as we make our way to the nurse's office. She's a bit of a fangirl, so I tell the dramatic tale of how Kaoru got his life-threatening paper cut. We get heavy bandaging in the span of a few minutes. It boggles my mind how they let such clueless people treat out injuries. It scares me as well. Remind me to complain about that. There's comfortable silence walking back to the classroom. However, I don't do too well in silence. I think about things that I really shouldn't think about. Things I should've forgotten about. Things that make me open my big fat mouth. I remember my conversation with Kaoru a while ago, and the more I think about it the angrier I get. Did he seriously blame me for the entire thing? Do I get no credit at all? Does everyone seriously believe that I'm stupid and I ruin everything?

"Kaoru, do you really think I ruined everything?"

I accidentally say that part out loud. Oops.

"No, not everything. Just this."

I just snap. That's it.

"I'll prove I won't ruin this! In fact, I'll make this entire thing work! I don't need you and Haruhi's help!"

Kaoru blinks a few times, and a sly smile appears on his face.

"Are you sure?"

I'm not going to let that terrifying smile intimidate me.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Alright. Don't think I won't tell Kyoya-senpai about this. You fail, and Kyoya-senpai's wrath is all on you. Y'know, considering you don't need Haruhi and I's help."

Why is my brother being so evil?

"I knew letting you help Kyoya-senpai with finances after school was a bad idea."

Kaoru simply shrugs and continues in the direction of our class. The realization of what just happened hits me. As I drag along behind Kaoru and plop myself into my seat, I don't acknowledge the stares from Jordan and the other fangirls. I slam my head into my desk. What did I just do?

_(Insert page break here)_

Kaoru seems a bit too happy at the club today. I fight the urge to roll my eyes at his giddiness. Or should I say gaiety. On the bright side, Jordan showed up as expected. Kyoya shot me a knowing glance that sent shivers down my spine. At least it's better than his dirty looks. I caress my brother's face and mumble some line I've said a hundred times and know by heart. I don't need to think about this right now. How am I going to make this work? I need to do something to make her happy other than this act. My mind is racing, when I'm interrupted by squeals. Was my last line a bit raunchy? I don't really know or care. It's impossible to think here. As if the world were finally on my side, Honey comes skipping over to our table with a tray of cake.

"Would you ladies like some cake?"

He says in his usual childish, adorable voice.

"Yes, please!"

All the girls say in unison.

"What kind?"

The girls list off what they want, giving me a few minutes to think. I try my best, but I still have nothing. Why does thinking have to be so hard?

"Strawberry."

My head slightly turns when Jordan asks for hers. Again, it's understandable, but it has a slight American accent to it. Wait… I've got it! This idea's so genius, so fool proof that even Kaoru would be proud of it! All I need to do is wait for the club to end.

As soon as the club is over and all the girls flock to the door, I frantically search for Jordan. Energy is rushing through my body due to one thought. I'm finally going to prove Kaoru wrong about something. I scan the back of the girls' heads until I find the black braid. I tap on her shoulder.

"What?"

She turns around and I'm a bit taken aback due to how harsh that sounded. I regain my composure and clear my throat. Something about this girl scares me.

"Uh, hi."

She stands there, not looking amused. I realize I didn't really think this through. Stupid brain.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm hearing your Japanese and it's a little bit off."

Jordan raises her eyebrow and it's not hard to tell that she's offended. Kyoya hasn't left yet and he's glaring at me from across the room. Oh crap, I'm going to die if I don't fix this.

"What I mean is I'd be willing to teach you."

I think I see a slight change in her expression, but it might be my eyes playing tricks on me.

"Why should I let you?"

My first instinct is to subtly mention how she'd get to see more of me and Kaoru, but I obviously can't do that. Dang it, am I going to have to think again?

"I'll do it for free and I could keep you company."

I believe we have a winner for the crappiest excuse award. I couldn't be more relieved, however, when she answers.

"When and where will we start?"

"We could start tomorrow. We could meet in the library after the club."

"Ok, I have to go."

She leaves and I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Kyoya gives me a look that says "you're lucky." Haruhi and Kaoru come up to me.

"Clever, Hikaru. Very clever."

"Are you sure you can do this by yourself?"

I roll my eyes.

"Thank you, Kaoru. Yes I'm sure."

I'll admit I'm starting to get a little smug.

"Looks like you're busy tomorrow, bro. Haruhi and I will just get ice cream tomorrow to get over how much we'll miss you."

Kaoru starts snickering and Haruhi looks slightly confused.

"Sheesh, Kaoru! I'm limiting your time with Kyoya from now on. And go ahead, I'm not going to get upset over your little date. I've got this."

I arrogantly glide out of the room, pleased with myself. I sit in the car waiting to take me home and hear the door open a few moments later.

"There was no need to leave like that, we have the same ride."

Why is it that Kaoru can outsmart me even with something like this? I sigh. As the car drives off I try to remember where I put my old Japanese schoolbooks.


End file.
